The silence is like music to my ears. For months I have been longing to be alone at home. No background noise, no one who needs me, no one to handle. Now, my wish has been granted. I find a little space in time, a little peace of mind, a little piece of mine.

It is only a small window, but wide enough for me to go through it.

And be.

I have been taught to deal with external stimulations, to seek them out, to boast about being able to handle many at a time. …

Your touch feels like light

Pushing through

This dark place I’m in

A response to this challenge:

Only when you’re gone

I see you

Forgive my blindness

I lay awake at night, jet-lagged and annoyed at the party going on a couple of streets away. The music and the screams are so loud, they might as well come and have their feast right here next to our bed.

I lay awake and I think. It’s good to think without rush.

I lay on the pool side, watching the clouds go by. Cloudy sky doesn’t lie. It gives it straight to you. The dichotomy of life, the learning curve.

When I was younger, I would daydream very often — about what would come next, how I would feel if this or that would materialise. I don’t do that anymore, it doesn’t come anymore. Instead I stop to think about where I am at in my life, about every step taken — what a journey. I don’t dream about the future anymore — while I look forward to it, I don’t want to imagine it just yet. …

This picture was taken 2 years ago in Bali. The smile was only fleeting, a quick laugh to strike a pose. Behind it, I was hiding so much tension and fear, so much resentment. For what, for whom? Probably myself. I had just started a year of travel with my family and I could not get out of my head to enjoy the free time I had worked so hard to set up. I had also taken on too much, designating myself to craft every last detail of every single thing for myself, my husband and our then 2-year old son. And as I am very stubborn, they sat back and enjoyed the ride. …

I have been away from here for a while. It was part of a detox process from over achieving to do lists, from the digital world and especially from social media. This constant feeling of being overdue, too much distraction, unthreaded reads, not enough focus on real life, nor on the actual writing. The mind clutter resulting from it was making me fidgety and anxious, like an addict always on the lookout for her next shot. I needed to clear up headspace to exist again.

Not surprisingly, concentrating on the essential and being further away from social media has made me happier and saner. I have not completely banned it from my life, but I have skimmed it down considerably. I would not go back — on the contrary, I would go even further in detoxing, to the extent work projects allow me. …

Sensations, emotions, coming and going. I feel this now but tomorrow might be different — will be different. The fear and anxiety dissipate through the night and the morning brings hope and faith. Which one is real? Which one should I listen to?

Fear is ever present. Through the laughs, the plans, the excitement, it is right there, whispering in my ear — what if the worse happens? Of course it might, but it also might not. I believe in energies, I believe that what you visualise does materialise. Not in a genie-grant-me-my-wish kind of way — obviously. …

Coercion doesn’t only happen in dictatorships. It is not always the deed of the mean step-mother forcing Cinderella to cook and clean. Coercion happens every day, to everyone — coercion is something we all do every day to others too.

Let’s do what I say, let’s eat what I want, let’s go where I want — you can call it compromise, but we all know there is always one who compromises more. And then there are times and situations in life where we feel compelled — obliged — to compromise. …