The past is never gone. You may not think about it anymore, you may have forgiven it, digested it, but it is always there, lurking for the time to get to you again.
I have quit my old job 9 months ago and I haven’t looked back. Except I do — look back. I keep an eye on it. I know that, since I was gone, they haven’t replaced me — yet. It is still there for me. Like an ex-boyfriend who is still single, still available in case you need him one day — still an option. As if we didn’t have too many options in life already — the very root of our constant dissatisfaction.
They will replace me soon though. The irony is that the new candidates are coming to me for advice. What do I think of the position, of the company? I left, is what I think.
I could scare them off. I could claim what was once mine. But do I want my ex back? Sure, he has improved in many ways, but has he fundamentally changed? I don’t believe we ever do. If it didn’t work out the first time, what is the point of going through all the drama again? We won’t even have the honeymoon period this time around, we already know each other so well.
So, I will be honest and let it be. No more plan B for me, scary, scary. I am getting used to this feeling, so used that I can now dismiss it. I guess some things do change.
I am out there on my own. And that is plenty enough.
You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop. ~ Rumi
